Under the Tracks
by Young Chica
Summary: Remus can't stop thinking about his past and one of his best friend's wife. Can anything help cure Remus of his nightmares and wantings of his friend's wife? Long songfic RemusLily PG13 to NC17
1. There Is A Place

**Under the Tracks**

Memories banished his good thoughts of his friends and it made him want to splinter the ground beneath him. He had loved his father at one time, before… before he was bitten. His father had been the devil to him afterwards and the real thing that pissed him off the most was the fact that his mother never talked to Remus the same way, never held him the same way and never looked at him the same way, it almost felt like every time she had held him close, it was forced. His father had died that night, but his mother… Remus knew that his face resembled too much of his father's and it bothered his mother dearly. It destroyed Remus.

_There is a place_

_There has a face_

_And he was walking out the door._

Remus heard the fighting downstairs, but as much as he tried to ignore, it just wouldn't shut up and go away. He closed his eyes tightly, making the tears harder to break from his eyes. He hated it when his father would run off, but he mostly hated the muffled anger downstairs. Remus never knew what they were fighting about anymore.

'Don't leave, Dad, please don't leave…' Almost instantly, he heard the door slam and heard his mother's soft sobbing. Remus closed his eyes tighter than before as he heard her climb the stairs, talking to herself in a lifeless tone. He heard her feet stop at his door and his eyes loosened instantly, but when he looked at the door, instead of seeing a sad-faced mother putting her hand to mouth to stop her sobbing from getting louder for him to hear, he saw a monster standing in her place, holding a knife up, threateningly watching him. His eyes instantly closed and he heard her soft feet move alongside to his bed. Remus felt the weight on his bed shift near his feet as it sunk. He felt her body hover over him and he felt her hand sweep through his hair while soft sobs echoed off the walls in his room. Her lips touched his head and before he had a chance to open his eyes, the weight shifted underneath the bed as she walked out of the room, closing it only a little.

Remus listened to his mother sob harder in the bathroom, but he felt weighted to his bed, like his feet wouldn't respond and he was commanding them in his head to move, that he was going to find his father and make him apologize.

It took until his mother moved from the bathroom to her room that he started to move. Remus knew where his father went and he slipped his slippers and robe on as he silently went towards the back door in the kitchen where he knew that his mother and father had fought in before he left. As he passed through, he noticed everything was in order, as it always was, but the only thing that was out of place was the bottle of gin on the counter. Before he made his way out of the door, he took the bottle and set it up on top of the refrigerator where he had always known it to be set before the fights would begin.

Remus was walking towards the barn which was set about three hundred yards away from the house. It was a walk and he was eager to walk it.

The barn was closer than it normally felt and as he reached it, he heard muffled voices, one that was deep and unfamiliar and another that sounded closely related to his father, but scared. It was something different for Remus to hear and he was eager to hear the words that were being said. The moon cast a shadow of Remus as he leaned toward a peephole that he had made once to watch his father when he didn't want to do his chores. Remus could hear the voices words vaguely.

"I said pay up or you'll face the consequences we talked about!" the deep voice barked at Remus' father. The shaky and pleading voice of Remus' father scared Remus deeply as he responded, "I-I-I'll pay you back, I swear! I just n-n-need a lit-lit-little more time! No, no! Please!"

"I said this month or you'll get to feel the pain! One month too many I've waited!" Remus heard a growl and a scream. He looked into the peephole but something was standing in the way of it; he couldn't see anything, but he could hear a lot of commotion and then all was silent.

Remus stayed in his place at first, but then moved towards the barn entrance. The door was slightly open and he looked in. He saw nothing at first but then he saw something light brown and hairy hovering, grunting, and eating something. Remus' eyes got wide and he whispered under his breath, " Father." The object turned him, cold, dark beady eyes staring at him, snarling and if Remus had known any better, it looked like a dog smiling.

Remus made no sound as he turned abruptly and started to run back to his house. He heard the sound of breaking wood and fell almost instantly, a searing pain hitting him.

_His mother said_

_She was ashamed_

_Cause he had no place to go._

He awoke in a cold sweat sometime. Looking around the room, Remus realized that he was in his bed with his whole body in searing pain, mostly it came from somewhere on his left. He sank into his pillow with a cry and suddenly all his senses heightened as he heard talking downstairs. Remus could hear the voices perfectly, but somehow, he knew that they were whispering. Soon, there were loud footsteps (two, maybe three pairs of feet) climbing the steps and opening the door to his room. "Remus…" He knew the name was said in a whispery sob, but it sounded so loud.

"Son, where does it hurt?" At first the deep voice was loud, but then his ears adjusted to the level of the sound and how it affected him and it soften. Remus cried in pain as he felt a hard jib somewhere on his left side. "Stop poking me!" he shouted. His body ached and felt like he wanted to rip something into a gory manner.

"Son, no one is poking you." He could hear his mother's familiar sob, but he didn't correspond to any of it. He wanted everything to stop so he could get up and walk away. Instead he went into a black pit where he could only hear his name being screamed by his mother's voice.

_He was afraid_

_And I was fine,_

_And he wanted, peace of mind._

Remus' mind never shut up. He lazily sat up in his bed, smothering his head in his hands. All the noises around him electrified to a loud pulse; he needed to move away from the city. It was past midnight and though people say that cities are more quite at night, he thought it was actually louder at night. His ears would strain to hear something and so he would be forced to wake up and listen to the night sounds; oh how agitating!

He instantly got out of bed, putting muggle clothes on. Remus grabbed the keys to his apartment and left, almost running out the door. If he couldn't sleep, he mine as well wane himself to a dull roar.

Remus found himself at the park, thinking of his dream. It frightened him to have to listen and watch the sounds of his past, but he almost instantly found comfort, as he smelled a familiar scent: Lily. She always smelled of sweet, almost like the taste of a perfectly ripened cherry. Remus found himself walking towards it, seeing the body in the bench. Her red mane didn't turn, but stayed in the same position. He sat down next to her. "Hello Lily, what makes the Virgin Mary walk at this time of night?" he smiled cheerfully as he turned to look at her, but something was wrong. He turned his head to look at her and almost instantly he stood, bile and fear eating at his throat. Lily's head was twisted and about and her eyes bulged, red tears trailing down her face.

Sitting up in a pile of cold sweat, Remus panted. He hated his nightmares. Why wouldn't he have peace of mind?

* * *

**Authour's Note:** Hello again all! This story wasn't on my list of stories I was going to write, but sadly, I have been having trouble writing most of them and Cinder-Mione is being put on a hold. this is another song fandom but this one is a Remus/Lily contrabution. I've always wondered about this match, but I won't spoil the ending ; ) Some of you will be upset with me and others may say, "Good ridance!" It may be a happy ending to some and to other's it may be a devistating ending. So all I shall say is enjoy!  



	2. Three Times Turned

_Three times turned_

_And your gone,_

_and your gone_

_You are free,_

_You are free,_

_And its a long way home._

Remus hated doing this but he knew that they had always ushered the fact that if he needed help finically, they were ready to help. He stepped up to the door, hugging his jacket close to him. His hands were stuffed into his pockets; he wouldn't let himself knock: it just didn't feel right. He just looked at the door hard; he turned and the door opened. "Remus?"

The voice was familiar and wonderful. Remus turned around and smiled at his red haired friend he had known throughout his years in Hogwarts. Lily smiled back at him gestured the door open. "It's nice to see you. Come in, please?"

Her green eyes almost begged him to come in, but what drew him inside with a pleasant smile and nod was her smile. Remus knew the way around and found himself sitting on the couch near the fire. He noticed that the bid comfy armchair had been moved closer to the fire and a book was perched on the arm of the chair. Lily came in with some cups and disappeared into the kitchen. When she returned, a tray was in her hands with sugar, milk, and a small kettle that was full of tea. He could smell it: pumpkin with a hint of cocoa mixed. Remus remembered the first time he made it for Lily; her first boyfriend had broken up with her and he silenced her tears with the hot cup. Whenever he would come over to her house or vise-versa and they were alone, Lily or Remus would make it.

"It's been such a long time since we- I have had the enjoyment of your company. What brings you here?" she asked him. Lily was moving the chair so that it was back in its original spot; he was looking at her backend the whole time and looked away shyly when she sat down and started to fix the cups.

"I was in the neighborhood- purposefully some would say. I have missed out talks." Lily looked up and Remus smiled; she returned the smile. Her eyes twinkled, he noticed.

"It's a long way from home, being in the neighborhood." They chuckled at it, knowing that she was trying to make him a little bit more upbeat. _Poor Lily…_ he thought to himself.

Lily leaned farther than normal and her blouse fell since it was so loose and Remus looked down her shirt to see a black bra; Lily leaned a little more farther trying to get the milk and her hand slipped, making the whole tray be pushed into Remus' lap. "Shit! Ah Remus, I'm sorry!" She got up and went around, helping him set the tray back; the milk had fallen onto his lap and the sugar had came with it, mixing with the milk and becoming a sugar mess on his pants.

Remus was laughing and as she tried to clean it up, he placed his hand on hers, making her hand stop on his thigh. "It's okay Lily, really, I'm fine! This is why I came here; you always make me laugh." She lightly smiled and removed his hand from her own. "At least let me clean up the mess I made." Without thinking, Lily started to unbutton his pants. Remus' face fell and he started to blush. "Lily…" She stopped when she heard her name.

Looking up innocently, she realized what she was doing and instantly she removed her hands. He looked at her and opened his mouth; she was expecting him to say he was about to leave. "Sirius would probably urge you on if you had started to do that to him. Probably say something along the lines of, 'Lily, I never would have thought… well okay, but be careful, I'm still trying to get over the raunch from last night.' " Lily cracked a smile; the joke made her blush and Remus smiled wolfishly.

_What have we done_

_Is it wrong_

_Is it wrong_

_Is it me, can't you see_

_its a long way home._

"Just give me your pants, Remus!" His eyebrows went up and gave a disbelieved look jokingly.

"Lily.." She slapped his knee and gave him a stern look. "Just give me your pants. You and James have about the same size. Change in the bathroom." Lily got up and walked towards a doorway Remus refused to go through because of the type of room it was. The thought of his friend having sex with Lily in the room… it was one of the many things he just rather not think about.

Lily came back with the pants; she gave him a look and pointed towards the upstairs. "Remus, bathroom, change." It was a command and he simple smiled, shaking his head and taking the pants on his way up the stairs.

He came back down after a time, wearing fresher, cleaner looking pants. His were worn and ragged looking his hands; what he would give to be James. A wonderful wife, a beautiful home, and a well paying job.

Remus found Lily, her back turned towards him. She was hovering over a sink. _Probably cleaning the sugar bowl, milk bowl and teapot._ He was quiet about his steps as he came up from behind her, the aroma of her perfume overwhelming him, making almost become possessed. He smelled her hair; his hands had a mind of their own as they wrapped around her waist, making her fall back into his chest. His lips met her hair and he kissed it. Lily let the cup hit the bottom of the sink as her wet hands were placed on his arms. She leaned into Remus fully and he held her weight. She looked forward out the window to the see the cold autumn wind blow leaves about.

"Remus," Lily sighed out his name and he closed his eyes, enjoying her in his arms.

"Why can't you be mine Lily?" He opened his eyes as her weight shifted and she turned in his arms.

"You could have had me, I let you have me, but you let James have first pick." He looked into her green eyes, seeing that pleading look come back.

"He liked you first and I didn't want him to get—"

"It doesn't matter who likes who first and if we are playing this game, I liked you first. I ended up loving James because I realized that in the end, you weren't going to come and sweep me off my feet, so I started to like James." They sighed at the same time and Remus felt her arms wrap around him, her head landing on his chest. "Remus, you were my first and only true love."

Her head rose, her pale lips calling to him; was it just him or was it starting to get hot? He leaned forward—

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

_There is a snake,_

_and he will awake,_

_and he'll get you off the floor._

Remus growled as he slammed his hand onto the radio, smashing it. "Bloody fucking hell-" He rolled over and suddenly realized the effects of the dream he had had. It had been too long since he had held a female, even in his dreams and so his body was reacting like how a teenager would. "Cold shower for me," he grumbled before rolling out of bed. Soon he realized that the beeping hadn't stopped and smelled something… fire! Remus went over to his window and looked down, the first and second floor was ablaze and it was heading towards the third and fourth floor. He had no way of making it alive down the fire escape.

Instantly, Remus ran from the window and went to his closet, pulling out a warm sweater and throwing it on. He got a large blanket and slipped on his shoes before he ran out the main door and headed towards the indoor fire exit. Remus rapped on every door as he went by, hoping to walk up any people that were still in their rooms.

He was halfway down when the door to the second floor flew open an immense tunnel of fire following it. Remus wrapped the blanket around him and ran through it, not stopping or breathing until he was outside on the pavement coughing. He knew he had to keep moving and so he got up and ran to the big crowd of people that had accumulated. The fire brigade was there not minutes later, but they couldn't help anymore. Remus watched as the roof to the top floor caved in. Everything of his past, the pictures, the clothing, and even his wand were destroyed. The snake had finally bit him in the ass.

"Of course you can stay Remus. Did they save anything? Clothing wise?" Remus was on the phone with Lily. He started to shake his head when her voice interrupted him. "Never mind that question. Apperate over here as quickly as you possible can. Don't worry about stopping at the door." Remus nodded.

"Lily… thank you." Remus visualized a worried looking Lily nodding her head as she hung up the phone. He quickly hung up himself and went into the ally closest, closing his eyes. He reopened them to a nicely warmed room. The armchair was in the same spot it was in his dreams: in front of the fireplace with a book placed on the armchair. Lily hurriedly came into the room and went up to Remus, hugging him. He wrapped his own arms around her in an embrace and let go quickly.

She took his arm and lead him up the stairs to where the spare bedrooms where. There were three rooms up here and all of them were spare. Remus was lead into the nicer and manlier room of the three. Lily let go of his arm and set the blankets back. She took out her wand and the heating in the room raised up. She looked at him for the first time since he apperated into the living room. "Remus, are you okay?" It felt like the hundredth time she had asked him that, but it didn't bother him. He didn't trust himself to speak so he just nodded. Lily smiled and as she walked past him, she kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodnight Remus."

* * *

**Authour's Note:** Hello everyone! This was a long songfic. I purposefully broke it up into pieces because I was thinking that if it was too long, no one would want to read it, yah know? I should have the next chaptor up soon. R & R please!  



	3. Cheating a Birthday

"Of course you can stay Remus. Did they save anything? Clothing wise?" Remus was on the phone with Lily. He started to shake his head when her voice interrupted him. "Never mind that question. Apperate over here as quickly as you possible can. Don't worry about stopping at the door." Remus nodded.

"Lily… thank you." Remus visualized a worried looking Lily nodding her head as she hung up the phone. He quickly hung up himself and went into the ally closest, closing his eyes. He reopened them to a nicely warmed room. The armchair was in the same spot it was in his dreams: in front of the fireplace with a book placed on the armchair. Lily hurriedly came into the room and went up to Remus, hugging him. He wrapped his own arms around her in an embrace and let go quickly.

She took his arm and lead him up the stairs to where the spare bedrooms where. There were three rooms up here and all of them were spare. Remus was lead into the nicer and manlier room of the three. Lily let go of his arm and set the blankets back. She took out her wand and the heating in the room raised up. She looked at him for the first time since he apperated into the living room. "Remus, are you okay?" It felt like the hundredth time she had asked him that, but it didn't bother him. He didn't trust himself to speak so he just nodded. Lily smiled and as she walked past him, she kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodnight Remus."

_You'll start to shake,_

_your friends will sweat,_

_you are high, you will forget._

"Do I have to go?" Remus tried to straighten the tie as much as he could. Lily rolled her eyes and moved his hands out of the way as she tried to fix it.

"Yes, you have to come. It's James' birthday; he thinks of you like a brother, plus, Sirius and his girlfriend are coming too." Remus looked down at her with over enthusiastic eyes and said, "Whoopee! I'm the only one going without a date. Just let me stay in a bed a little longer, please mummy?" He started to give her the begging. Lily slapped his shirt and laughed, which made her smile which made Remus smile.

"Remus Jonathon Lupin, you are going to this dinner party to celebrate James' birthday and here is a card; sign it and slip in the money. Just be a dear, alright? We're all leaving in five." Lily patted down the tie and left Remus to himself. He smiled and shook his head.

* * *

Remus walked into the restaurant with Lily and James. He tried to trail behind, but Lily found his arm and pushed him next to her. He felt hot at the touch, but he was starting to get used to it. Living at Lily's house for a couple of months made him get used to her light and friendly touches and even her accidental 'hand-brush-things' he was getting used to. They found their seats over in a corner booth. Peter and Sirius's girlfriend were already sitting, talking to one another.

"Oh my gosh, is that Jen from Sirius' work? Geeze, I would have never thought Sirius would go out with her." Lily whispered to Remus. He smiled and said back, "Hear they were engaged." She smiled up at him and they all seated around the table. Sirius joined them after a while, explaining he had a last minute patient.

Soon everyone was full and drunk. Sirius and Jen had been talking, kissing and laughing to one another, but Sirius raised his hand and said, "We're still going to that one pub, right? To finish the ceremonial birthday yah know." Lily laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Sirius, if we were to get any more fluids into you, you would probably laugh like an insane person, piss on a limo and then pass out trying to get James' autograph. And the funniest thing is that someone will take a picture of it from the Daily Prophet." Everyone laughed and Sirius brushed his hand in front of his face. "None sense. Even if the Daily Prophet did get a picture, it would be too pornographic to actually place in the paper."

Everyone laughed harder, mostly because the drink drove the group to insanity. "Maybe… we should… leave to someplace… more appropriate," Jen said in between fits of laughter. Everyone nodded in laughing fits and they filed outside to yield some taxis'.

* * *

Remus watched jealously as James and Lily held hands and made a scene with kissing. Peter was sent home in a taxi and everyone else bunked up together in two cars. Remus was with Lily and James, snuggling and kissing. They all amazingly made it to the pub and as soon as they got in, everyone was dancing. Remus went to the bar and got them more drinks.

Remus came about handing them beers and Fire Whiskey. Lily took hers with a wink. He took a long swig of his drink before abandoning the bottle on the bar counter. He got another drink, a Fire Whiskey, but as he was about to take it and drink it, a hand came over the drink and took it out of Remus' hand. He turned to see Lily's face from drinking the whiskey so quickly. She opened her eyes and leaned up next to Remus' ear, a smile splayed on her face. "Let's dance." She slipped her hand in his and led him through the crowd, but she would end up getting herself lost. Remus got closer to her and slipped his hands around her waist, leading her through the crowd with the music.

They swayed together, mangling, hips swaying at the same time. It was like a mosh pit; bodies pressed against one another, music beating hard, bodies moving at a beat, sweat…

Lily had somehow turned around in Remus' arms and now faced him, her left hand over his shoulder, moving him to _her_ beat. His body was starting to become a mind of it's own. If he had been a little bit more sober, he wouldn't even be touching her, but that last beer sent him and he knew Lily had been long gone.

Remus' hands went from her waist to her buttock and she didn't stop him, if anything, her eyes encouraged him greatly. She leaned closer into him, her face inches from his. "Kiss me," she breathed onto his lips and her command was answered quickly. He had always wanted to hear this command and knew he would never hesitate once he heard it either.

Lily placed her leg up higher on his body, her dress hitched to a point. His hand trailed from her ankle to her thigh and further to her almost hidden buttock. She moaned into his mouth and he captured it. She broke the kiss and forced a loud, "Not here" moan. He was again happy to oblige. He pulled her tightly to him and thought of her house, his room. He wanted to make a new mark in a different part of her house, not one that James left.

Remus slid his fingers under her dress, slowly pulling it up and away, making it land somewhere haphazardly. Lily smiled as her black undergarments were exposed. Her body glimmered from the sweat from dancing; his body was sweaty too. She laid underneath him as he kissed various places on her body; her neck, her collarbone, her jaw…

Lily moaned happily and laced her own fingers over his shirt. He leaned up as he felt her try to push the shirt off, taking it off for her. He pulled the blankets from under her off, picking her body up in his strong arms to where she straddled his lap sitting. Her hands were on his chest; one arm kept her close to him and she played with the nape of his neck with her lips, making him fumble with her bra.

"Lily…" he breathed into her neck, almost grousing. She bit lightly on his skin, her hands sliding down his chest to the zipper and button of his pants. He wasn't afraid of how she touched him or wanted his clothes off. She would normally come into his room telling him to give his clothes to her and take off the ones he was wearing too. At first, he only raised his eyebrow and shook his head, but after a while, he would disappear into his closet and come back out wearing his PJ's.

Eventually, Remus helped Lily take off his pants and she helped him with her bra; as drowsy looking as she was, Lily urged him on and so he did not question her motives. Remus kissed gingerly up from her own neck to her lips where he captured them for the second time this night. He laid her down gently, treating her like a precious china doll.

"Remus…" he heard his name and opened his eyes to Lily, looking up at him,

"James won't be coming here any time soon tonight, will he?" Remus asked her, a wolfish grin splayed across his face. Lily duplicated the wolfish grin and sat up on her elbows; his eyes were distracted to her breast but she raised his line of sight as he caught the wolfish grin.

"Not tonight, no. We have the night all to ourselves. Think of it like one of our late night talks, just more actions than words if you don't mind." Remus smiled and nodded; he liked her idea.

_She is afraid_

_cause you are dying,_

_But you have got your peace of mind._

Remus forced a laugh as James told a joke; James' hand was placed onto Lily's thigh. He wanted so badly to swat the hand away and growl, hiss, fight for her for Christ's sake. Lily had told him everything would be okay the morning they woke up with one another in his bed in her house.

"Remus…" He smiled, for some reason the sound of it turned him on; he rolled over and soon felt a hand touch his face lightly. "Remus! Wake up!" His eyes awoke at the urgency of Lily's voice.

"_Lily?" He saw her with the blanket wrapped around her chest, covering her breasts, which for some reason, he was trying _not _to look at them. _

_Remus sat up and the sheet that they were both using went a bit lower below his waist. He saw Lily look away, but sensed she was trying not to look. Remus looked around for the comforter and found it on the floor. He picked it up and placed it over his lower half. He had muscle, but nothing as big a six-pack; he was just well built._

_Lily looked back over at him and shook her head, placing it in her hands. He instantly knew why her voice was urgent when she had had tried to awake him, they were both in bed together… naked! His head hurt; hangover. His mind was boggled. Remus remembered drinks, going to the pub, sending Peter home alone and hard mosh pit dancing, then… nothing. He looked over at Lily who was still bent over, head in hands. Her hair flooded over her shoulders; it was shoulder length and he had the feeling to reach out and touch it, pull her close to him in his arms and hug her._

_Remus popped himself out of the dream bubble he placed himself in and reached out a hand, touching the top of her head. "Lily…" An image of pure ecstasy on Lily's face entered his head. He surprisingly felt himself grow. Pushing the thought out of his head, Remus coaxed Lily to look at him and ask what's wrong._

"_Nothing… that's the problem. I don't feel any regret or uncomfortable feeling or guilt even." Remus looked away from her and whispered, "Nor do I…"_

_Lily leaned closer to Remus. "You don't?" she whispered and he shook his head. She sat up again, a not-so-convincing look of surprise on her face._

_Remus wrapped the comforter much more tightly around himself as Lily laid back down, close to Remus and just watched him. It felt like she was staring accusingly at him. He looked down at her. "I wonder what it was like," she said, surprising the hell out of Remus. He blinked and cocked his head, "What?" He was lost up until the point where she found courage within herself to lean up to Remus and kissed him, long and hard. When she lightened the kiss, he found that he was lying down, his hand splayed across her back and head hovering inches above his. _

"_What if we didn't do anything?" he asked, and for a split of a second, he thought a look of disappointment was on her face._

"_Well, if it helps any, I'm aching all over, worse than what James does to me." Remus' eyes closed and his head turned away, scowling. "Don't like that thought then, huh?" she smiled at him, knowing she hit something._

"_Yah, my best friend and his girlfriend that I like, shagging downstairs in her bed—"_

"_No, we've never shagged in my bed. Actually, we've never shagged over here at my house. Normally he invites me over to his house for dinner, which would have been last night."_

_She sensed the confusion on his face and she shrugged. "He's only been here twice and it's only been to help me with things."_

_Remus smiled. "So I'm the shag-buddy at your house now, eh?"_

_Lily laughed and said, "Shut up and just kiss me."_

"_What if James comes over here?" Remus asked inches away from her face._

"_He knows to call muggle way first. Now, Mr. Lupin, if you don't mind, I would like that kiss now."_

_Remus smiled and began to speak again. " What if he—"_

_Lily interrupted his talk with another distracting kiss. "You talk to much Remus."_

"_And your too demanding."_

"_James likes it." Lily pulled the comforter away from Remus' body and straddled him. He felt his body react to her action._

"So don't I…" 

"Then don't worry. Everything will be all right."

Remus watched them, not responding anymore, well at least not until he felt someone slap his back hard and say, "You alright Remus?"

"Sirius, would you be okay after that?" Jen's voice echoed in his head and looked up at her urgently.

"What?"

Everyone's eyes were on Remus, all phased with different emotions. He smiled and said, "It's nothing, really, I'm just thinking."

Sirius smiled and shook his head, drinking from his beer bottle. "Just don't think too hard, you might loose any kind of muscle control the way you furrow your eyebrows like that. You look like you are going to lunge at someone."

They all laughed and continued on; Remus and Lily passed a faithful look.

* * *

Remus, James, and Lily were all sitting in Lily's living room, laughing about old fashion trends. "Yah, those shorts they used to wear makes me wonder why we even bothered turning out straight in the end, "James said, a grin placed on his face.

Remus and Lily laughed, and Remus said smugly, "Yeah, they looked a lot better on girls than guys. Lily, you remember in Muggle Studies when we had to do Mock-Gym? The guys and girls had to wear the same kind of shorts, it was so embarrassing, because all the guys had camel tongues. All the girls were pointing and laughing at us." Lily, Remus and James had tears in their eyes from the flash-back.

"Well, thanks to you Remus, I have to go to the bathroom now." Lily got up, walking past both Remus and James. James slapped her butt and laughed. "Have fun."

"James!" Lily walked away with a smile; Remus' face fell. The green monster was starting on him for the second time that night. He felt like he was going to attack James if he didn't get away.

Remus got up and finished his beer with him. "Well, I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow James."

James gave him a side ways glance. "Are you sure you are okay? Sirius was right, you know, you did look kind of upset –"

"Don't worry about it all right mate?" Remus threw the bottle into the garbage and came back out and moved towards the stairs.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about –"

"James! I said I didn't, _**so just fuck off, okay**_?" Remus turned to him wildly and yelled loudly enough to wake the neighbors. They both heard the toilet flush and the door to the bathroom open. Remus didn't even bother saying night as he turned around and walked up the stairs to the bathroom.

* * *

Remus lay in bed, his arm under his pillow holding his head up, his other hand laying across his stomach. He was shirtless (A/N: Oh my word… now who doesn't want to climb into bed with him, please let me know, because you are I-N-S-A-N-E! and the blankets were dropped a little to about the hem of where his pajama pants started. Hehehe.)

Remus was nights away from the full moon, so he decided that it would be better to get used to the cold air some how. He had turned off the transfigured heating and the room was now freezing, but it didn't bother him in the least of ways; he was used to it.

Remus tried to close his eyes many times, but he would end up with visions of Lily and James snogging and shagging one another. It bothered him so much that he kept his eyes open and thought of the time that he could actually remember shagging Lily. He could only barely remember the shag the night of celebrating James' birthday; that was months ago.

Now it was his and he felt like he got nothing, no satisfactory. Remus had seen Lily this morning for breakfast. She stopped before she ran out to work and had kissed him. It was a morning breath kiss from him and a fresh toothpaste kiss from her. Lily said she would give him his present later; he didn't know what it was, but he only knew it wasn't sex, though he truthfully didn't expect it to be sex.

He closed his eyes for the millionth time, but it all failed miserable. Remus' ears suddenly became acute; he had been so busy trying to not think about James and Lily shagging that he hadn't heard the soft padding of feet up the steps until his door opened and he saw a head pop into his door.

"Remus…"

That same soft, sweet and yet seductive voice called through the room. It was almost in a whisper, as not to wake him up, but the tone that her voice was in made it seem like she hoped it woke Remus up.

His voice was surprisingly hoarse from not taking for the past hour and a half. "Yeah Lily?"

Lily came in the rest of the way and closed the door as if she wasn't supposed to be here. She came over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. Remus heard commotion down near her feet before she brought her legs up and around the side of the bed. Automatically, Remus moved over to where they were kind of smashed together though the bed was a king size.

She turned her head to look at Remus. "Why are you so angry every time we're around James? What does he say or do that makes you so mad?"

Remus shook his head. "It's getting close to the full moon. I get on edge this close to the moon."

Lily lifted herself onto her elbow. "You're lying to me."

Remus closed his eyes, still not meeting her eyes. "No, I'm not Lily."

"Yes you are Remus."

"Lily I'm not—"

"Remus! I'm not stupid! I'm scared to think that one day your going to bash his head in."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have slept with me!" Remus' eyes were furious and Lily swore that his hair was literally standing on end. "Before I was fine, I was able to watch James kiss you, hug you, slap your ass and I would just get jealous and now… now I can't stop thinking about you! Every time he touches you, I feel like I want to rip his head off!"

Lily was left speechless. She played with the ribbon on the package meant as Remus' birthday present. Remus instantly felt like an ass for saying what he said. Lily looked at him. "Well, I'm sorry for doing that now. I should have stopped when you were questioning me, but I just couldn't contain myself."

Lily leaned over and placed the box on his chest and she leaned in even more and kissed him on the lips softly. Remus instantly felt aroused, the normal feeling he had before the full moon. Normally he could contain but considering he had been thinking about their shag-fest, he couldn't stop himself.

Remus pressed the kiss harder, expecting the best of things. He heard a thump on the ground somewhere but ignored it, thinking more about how he was going to be. _Rough or soft, rough or soft?…_

Lily moaned she straddled him and felt his erection underneath her. He caught the moan in his mouth and uttered, "Is James gone?"

His hand rubbed past her, making her moan while she nodded. The urge to stop was strong, knowing that things wouldn't get any better. His moves were heisant, but Lily made sure that he went at a good speed. She took her shirt off for him and she started on her capri's but he stopped her. She flashed him an irritated look.

"Lily, we can't…" He gasped through rugged breathes.

"Like hell we can." She leaned in for a kiss, but he leaned further into the pillow. Lily chased his lips until she held them again and started to persuade him. She tugged at his pajama pants, but he caught her hands, lifting them above his head and grasping the headboard. The kiss separated, but Remus didn't say anything and if she thought he was going to stop, she was wrong.

Remus kissed her lips lightly and then started to kiss down, first her jaw, then her neck, collarbone, the valley between her breasts, the knot where her breast bone end and still further down. The whole way, Lily would take in small breaths of air, trying not to moan to loud to wake anyone up. The kisses got to cold to quickly for her; the cold air in the room was killing her. She whispered his name only once and he understood.

Remus pulled himself up again, kissing seductively along the way. He could tell she was cold and so he pulled her close to him while he played with the comforter, trying to get it up to cover Lily. She laid in his arms even after he pulled the blankets up, but still, she was cold.

Remus turned himself to where he was on top of her. He kissed her slow and long, letting her enjoy it as long as she wished. He lifted her legs to where they laid across his thighs and rocked in a rhythmic beat at first and then soon there was no rhythm or beat and her cries probably did wake the neighbors. With every thrust, she moaned just a little louder and every time she contracted her muscles, Remus thrusted harder.

It was unforgettable night for the both of them as they climaxed, one after the other. James would never know either.


	4. Love & Loved

**A/N:** Bonjour audience! Ca va? A new chapter and sadly, this is next to the last chapter. I loved writing this piece, I'm just sad that now I have to move on to another piece. At least I will have more stories up my sleeve and I will make sure I write the whole story instead of writing along the way. It gets sooo damn boring that way. Anyways, enough of me. Enjoy the last chapter and remember to please review once your finished.

* * *

_Three times turned __  
__And your gone, __  
__And your gone. __  
__You are free, __  
__You are free, __  
__And It's a long way home _

_What have we done __  
__Is it wrong __  
__Is it wrong __  
__Is it me, can't you see __  
__It's a long way home _

Remus cornered Lily the next morning; she was washing the dishes and she would occasionally look out the window. Dah-jah voo hit him hard in the back of his head. It was strange to be here and just to make sure he wasn't dreaming, he pinched his arm with his fingernails. Rubbing it, he grimaced. Defiantly not dreaming.

Hugging her from behind, he placed his head on her shoulder. She smiled as her hand came out of the soapy water and touched his left cheek. "Morning," Lily said, pointing to his birthday package that she gave to him last night. Evidently that was the small thump that had fallen off the bed. "Thank you," he said before kissing her cheek and reaching over to the package.

"Need any help with the dishes?" Remus offered, placing the gift aside.

"Not until you open your gift," Lily said, crossing her arms.

"Lily…"

"Remus, just open the damn gift already. Accept something for once. It's a present from me to you." She gave him an irritated look, showing she wasn't kidding, but Remus tried to distract her.

"You already gave me a gift last night Lily and I enjoyed it. Now as for the next scheduling…" Lily rolled her eyes at him and hit him in the arm before Remus went after her hand and pulled her closer to him, kissing her roughly on the lips. Lily placed a hand on the nape of his neck and ran her nails upwards into his hair and patted it down, making Remus soften the kiss, and soon enough, her head was resting on his chest as his arms encased her in his semi-lank frame.

"How about we forget about the dishes and head back upstairs to my bedroom."

"Don't think about it mister," Lily said as she parted from their hug and placed the package on his chest. Huffing a little before taking the package into his own hands and off his chest (no pun intended), Remus gave her an irritated.

Mocking her words, Remus opened the gift and to his surprise, it was an Olivander's wand box. He had forgot that he had lost his wand in the fire of his apartment. Amazing how she knew he needed one. "Thank you Lily," Remus said, smiling before hugging her.

"Now you can help with the dishes," she said, handing him the washing towel.

"Sneaky," Remus stated before drying some dishes manually.

"No, just evil thank you." She laughed like a mad scientist and Remus rolled his eyes.

"I'll give you evil. Meet me in the cellar at midnight." She slapped his arm, knowing what he meant.

"That reminds me, Dumbledore told me you needed a place to change and so you get a wonderful place located below this house. And don't give me that look. It's safer down there rather than being in a cellar in the woods." She handed him the last of the plates that needed to be dried.

"I think it would be safer to use the cellar in the woods far away from here."

"Have you never heard of charms and jinxes before Remus?" She gave him a serious look as she rinsed the bubbles from her hands and the basin.

"I just think it would be safer if I used the cellar."

"I think it would be safer if you used the dungeon below the basement."

"Oh, that changes everything!" He threw his arms into the air in mock happiness. Lily cracked a smile and Remus scowled at her. "Stop that, it's not funny!"

"No, but your behavior is." She laughed a little before a twinkle in her eye changed her look dramatically to an impish stare, the smile on her face implying sex. "I wonder: what feelings do you feel the day of the moon?"

Seeing the look on her face, Remus put two and two together and got the equation. "It changes and varies."

He placed the towel beside his wand on the counter and decided to walk away from the kitchen, leaving Lily just standing there with a look embarrassment and unapproval.

_And I won't make your dreams come true,_

_It's all you._

_You got to change your lonely ways,_

_To make it through._

Lily pounced on him sometime after dinner when they had reserved themselves to reading commonly difficult books. James had rang up five times to ask Lily out for the night, but she responded that she was sick every time.

Remus didn't let her know that he had been listening to her calls in the living room.

Sitting there vulnerably, he couldn't help but get distracted by the looks she kept on 'sneaking'. Turning pages that he hardly remembered the text to, he heard her impatiently drum her fingers on the back of her book and finally she got up and disappeared into the kitchen for what felt like a life time.

Remus decided to place his book away for the night after a long wait when Lily came back out, evidence to her change in clothes. He couldn't help but sneak a look at her in the silky clothing that he remembered not to be in her possession before.

Sitting back down in the chair she had been in earlier, he looked at her and noticed that her hair was up in a messy bun. Their eyes met for a moment and he quivered out, "The sun is getting dangerously low."

"I know,"

"I think I should go down to the dungeon now."

"I know," she whispered impishly.

Their eyes met again and Remus felt a surge of passion and control, domination and worship, erotica and … oh, so many other wolfish things.

"Should I get a blanket for you?"

"No, I haven't taken any wolfsbane tonight. I wouldn't want to rip your blanket."

"I have some… in the kitchen. Wolfsbane. Severus sent it earlier."

"Oh? And why are you telling me now?"

"Because you have to go down into the basement soon."

"I would rather not take it."

"Why?" Lily asked a little too quickly.

"Because I," he stammered out. Remus didn't want to tell her he liked the beast controlling him at those times. He never told anyone that he would sometimes 'forget' to lock the door and let the beast run out into the darkness.

Her eyes leered on him and he wanted to tell her but he couldn't; the purple silky cloth that wrapped her body was making her look alluring. The gown was hitched a little too high on her thighs and he could tell that she was wearing lacy undergarments. He knew she didn't care for thongs and so the next best thing was female briefs made out of lace. Remus could feel himself grow at the sight of her.

"Maybe you should get a blanket."

"Okay."

Lily sat there a little longer before getting up, moving past him instead of going around the back of the couch like she normally did. He noted that she smelled of pears.

When she came back, she was holding a thick comforter he also noticed she was holding a cup. Lily held out her hand to him and he took it obediently. She led him towards the kitchen and let go of his hand momentarily to open the door, but soon she was leading him to the cold basement and to a trap door, down another set of steps leading down to a room small enough room where he would stay.

She turned a lamp that was noticeably beat up and evidently worked by magic. A table was placed in the middle of the room, though Lily moved it easily to a corner and placed the blanket on top. Remus heard her take in a shaky breath before she faced Remus, holding out the cup she had carried down. "Drink up."

"Lily-"

"Remus, just drink, please."

Looking at her irritated, he shook his head.

"Remus, so I know that you'll be safe." She held the cup out a little farther and Remus took it, inhaling deeply before drinking the nasty liquid. Lily took the cup from him and turned slowly towards the table, placing the cup down before turning back to him.

Her actions were quicker this time as she stepped closer to him and started to lift his shirt up and over his head. Remus allowed her to do this, but couldn't help but shiver as she let her cold hands touch his old scars on his chest. She looked up at him and he said, "Your hands are cold."

"Really?" She lifted an eyebrow as her hand moved lower down his chest to abdominal and teased him at his waistline. "Still?"

Remus looked at her eyes and noticed how dark they looked in this light, even as bright as green as they were. He nodded and she stepped closer to him, their lips a little shy in distance. Lily looked into his eyes and could see everything he wanted in that one gaze. She let her tongue peak out and lick his lips. She noticed him shiver again; she smiled as he took control.

"I can kiss you without ever touching your lips."

Lily lifted her eyebrows at him and questioned this challenge. "Oh really?"

Remus nodded as he placed a hand around the backside of her waist, pulling her near him. She placed her own hand on his arm and tilted her head as he came in to kiss her, but veered left of her lips and instead kissed her neck, nibbling softly. Her eyes fluttered open in surprise and she made a sound, close to a moan. She felt a strong pulse pass through her groins, but she couldn't let it pass unnoticed. "Remus…"

His right hand cupped around her right breast and she felt another pulse pass through. His kisses traveled up her neck, nibbling along the way. She let her eyes close, but she moaned out Remus name three more times, each time he kissed her neck and each time he placed his hand somewhere new on her body. By the time he reached her lips, she had uttered out his name about two more times and her inhalation become rushed.

Looking at her eyes, the green orbs that pleased him so, she inhaled loudly, and shook her head. "You touched my skin."

"Not your lips." Remus slipped a cold up her gown and she shivered tremendously at the touch, her nipples hardening.

"Cold?"

"Very."

"Good."

Remus could feel the moon pressuring him, but he only wanted a little bit longer before he had to transform. He didn't even know if the wolfsbane was working, but he figured it was doing its magic as the feeling to transform passed over him momentarily.

His moves were quickened as he slid his fingers up her gown and caressed her breasts with his cold hands. She bit her lip and uttered out, "The table."

Remus kissed her collarbone this time, slipping the fabric off that clung to her bare shoulder. She moaned as he sucked on her skin, moving up towards her shoulder.

"Remus, the table," she moaned out louder. Responding to her cries and feeling the moon pressure him once more, he pushed her onto the table and as she tried to capture his lips, he wouldn't let her. Instead, she started to nibble on his skin but he moaned out, "Harder." She bit hard enough to draw blood and she soon felt his hands at her waist, pulling her underwear off. Lily reached between her and Remus and unzipped his pants, pulling them down along with his boxers. She stared at him point blank and took her gown off, throwing it to the ground. Lily wrapped her hands under and around Remus' arms, leaning him back onto her chest. She bit his skin softly, teasing him, but soon she was biting him hard in one place and then another.

Lily moved her hips underneath him and tried to get as close to the edge of the table as possible. It was unexpected, his first thrust. It was rough, hard and unexpected, filled with yearning. "Hurry," she whispered into his ear.

He obediently obeyed.

Thrusting harder and harder, cries getting louder and louder, the urge to transform, stronger and stronger…

"Remus," she screamed into the room, his body still moving like a wave; he wasn't giving up. He was going harder than before and Lily was climaxing along with him. The table and wall were meeting viciously as he drove harder into her. He was transforming more the closer he climaxed. Panting, he moaned with her, sweating just as hard, her nails driving into his back when at long last he drove into her once more, howling loudly. He let his head fall onto her chest, his now hairy and wolf-shapened head panting hot air on her breasts. Lily wrapped her legs around his hairy body and wrapped an arm around his back, the other musing with were his real hair had been at the back of his neck. The sweat disappeared, but his fur was wet.

Lily tried to let go of him at long last, but Remus still held onto her. She tried to push him, but he growled at her and his nails drove into her hips hard. She rubbed against him, arching and she could feel his hips reacting lightly, but she stopped him. "At least let me spread the blanket on the ground for us to lay on."

Strangely understanding, Remus lifted his head off of her and soon Lily had the blanket lying on the basement cement. She beckoned him towards her and he walked over to her on all fours; she laid down and he curled up against her.

Sometime in the middle of the night, the moon had shifted away into the clouds and the morning sun was climbing through the sky. Smiling, Remus hugged his hands around her tighter and he felt her legs crawl through his legs and wrapped herself into him like a little china doll.

_You found a place_

_In outer space,_

_Where you don't hurt anymore_

Awaking, Remus half expected to be alone, but found Lily wrapped in his arms. He smiled as he looked down at her clam face; Lily and James had gotten into a huge fight the night before and they were now separated. Smiling, Remus gently rolled his fingertips against the top of her skin lightly. She was perfect and she was his, just how he had always wanted her to be. He was sure his questions were answered.

Lily stirred lightly and soon enough, green met brown. They both smiled at one another and Lily lifted a hand to his left cheek, rubbing it softly. She kissed him lightly on the lips and placed a hand on his chest. Lily curled closer to his body and kissed his collarbone, nibbling a little.

"Lily…"

"I know, not today, but I just had the urge, you know—"

"I love you."

Lily's eyes flickered up at Remus and she blinked, caught by the element of surprise. Smiling, she replied, "I love you too."

_Your lovely hand_

_Has slipped away,_

_And there is nothing left to say_

_And we were born_

_Of yellow sand._

_There is no plan,_

_There is no end._

"I hate you!" she screamed at him, her hands balled into fists. Tears were running down her face and her stomach was prominent with a baby. She shouldn't have been screaming, she shouldn't have been yelling, she shouldn't have this much stress placed upon her; it wasn't healthy.

"You know that's not true!" he yelled back at her. Tears were forming in his eyes as the words she had just screamed at him hit him hard. "Lily, your just stressed. Please, sit down and take a rest. I'll get you some –"

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I want you to die! Fall down flat and die! You made me hate; you made me cry! _You_ made me have this… _thing_ grow inside of me! I hate you! I want it to die! You just couldn't stay away from me! I was happy with James! Just die!" Lily finished screaming at Remus, her hands balled in frustration, her cheeks red from screaming. An outraged look was displayed on her face as she grabbed the bowl from the coffee table and threw it at Remus. He dodged it and instead leapt at Lily. She screamed at him as he climbed up her to get to her arms and hold her down. "Hermione, please, calm down! You'll hurt yourself and the baby too!"

"I don't care! I want you and the baby to die!"

Remus couldn't handle this anymore. He apperated her and himself to St. Mungo's where the healers had a hell of time calming her down to the point where they didn't have to use restraints, but they pretty damn close. It took fifteen tries to make her drink the sleeping potion and when she finally did, they set her up a room in the maternal department. Remus held her hand, his thumb rubbing over hers. She hated him and why? Because he loved her? He couldn't understand any of this, but as she fluttered her eyes, all the thoughts he had passed over and he held her hand tighter.

"Remus." Her voice was faint and she sounded so very tired.

"Shhh, you need your rest Lily." She shook her head and tears formed in her eyes.

"I can't.. I don't… I love you but –"

"Lily, just sleep."

"No, Remus, listen. What are we going to do with the baby?"

"Raise it like every other parent in the world."

"How are we going to keep it away from Sirius and James?"

"We'll move!"

"No… I can't… just please… don't make this—"

"Worse? Lily, I love you! Once you give birth, everything will fall into it's place." He smiled at Lily and kissed her hand as tears overflowed down his cheek. Lily placed a hand onto his cheek and shook her head.

"I don't want to upset you Remus."

"How will we raise the child? Living a double life is going over the edge, you—"

The look in Lily's eyes made him stop. She couldn't… would she? She was always so caring to children, why would she want to end a child's life? "Your too far along in the pregnancy."

"The orphanage works, you think?"

"Lily… I was as an orphan. I will not have a child of mine living like that."

"There is one other option Remus."

"What's that?" He could feel the anger bubbling up in him; it wasn't right for her to be talking about this to him.

"You could raise her and I'll help support her once I go back to work." He shook his head placed his head on top of the fist he had made with her hand between. Looking back up, his eyes were blood shot. "Lily, please, don't… do this. Your making a mistake."

Shaking her head Lily looked down at the sheet where the bump was at. "This one is going to be an early riser. She's going to be coming soon."

Remus smiled a little and asked, "Your sure it's going to be a she?"

Smiling back at Remus, she nodded. "Positive Remus."

Sometime later, a healer advanced Remus, smiling boldly. "You can go and see her now. She's just feeding her."

Remus smiled and walked into Lily's room and smiled. She had Lily's head, noise and hair but her eyes were brown like Remus' and he swore she even had his chin, but her lips were plump, like her mother's.

"She resembles you more," Lily said unexpectantly. Smiling up at Remus, she held out the little child. Being cautious, he sat down on the bed before taking her. Smiling down at the little girl, he looked back up at Lily.

"I called the orphanage they have contacted a couple eager to take her. All we have to do is sign the papers and she is theirs for the keep. The lady called back and said that the parents wanted us to leave a little mark on her, meaning name wise. They want us to give her one name." Lily's face fell a little, but when she looked at the baby she smiled.

"Hermione. It reminds me of the colour of her eyes and it resembles you. It meanseloquence, curious to learn." She smiled up at Remus and looked back down at her darling daughter. Remus couldn't help but smile with her and think about the resemblance of the name and the familiarity.

* * *

**A/N:** Have you reviewed yet? Well, could you be a darlin' and reveiw? And tell your other friends about this story so a new shipper shall start. Love and huggles, YoungChica. 


	5. A New Place

_Three times turned_

_And you go,_

_and you go_

_You are free,_

_You are free,_

_And its a long way home_

Heart broken, Remus looked down at his baby girl before giving her away; Lily cried, but later when Remus was packing up, she stood in the doorway and remarked, "Maybe it was for the better…"

Remus looked up at Lily in surprise; his mind was thinking about packing quickly and getting the hell out of dodge, but Lily was stopping him and his face grew warm. He smiled slightly up at her and nodded slightly.

"It depends." His voice had an odd chill to it and Lily looked coldly at him, but Remus was ignoring her eyes at the moment.

"How do you mean?" replied she, rather coldly.

Looking up at her, he shrugged, "Doesn't matter. What's done is done."

"Remus, stop that. I feel like I'm drugs and your being nasty to me is odd."

"Says you. You're the one that hates me so much! I can't even show love without you pushing me away. I take it you were thinking about the decision of ever breaking with James?" Lily had been shaking her head at him while he finished that last remark.

"James has nothing to do with this," she said, her hand raising up behind her, her head slightly pulled out towards Remus.

"Oh really? When was the last time you talked to him Lily? Huh? One month ago? Two? Maybe little over a week?"

"Oh, shut up! You know nothing!"

"I know that I trusted you and loved you and now it's being thrown into my face. Let me ask you this, have you _ever_ loved me as much as _I_ have loved you?"

Lily opened her mouth and Remus interrupted her, "Be truthful."

She gave him a stern look before opening her mouth again, arms crossed at her chest. "Yes," she replied rather calmly.

"Before you broke up with James when we were messing around, or after you broke up?"

This stumped Lily and she didn't answer. Remus shook his head and flicked his wand and the rest of his clothes folded together and placed themselves neatly into his trunk.

"_Locomotor trunk_," Remus said in a whisper. He rushed past Lily and on the way down the stairs he said, "Good-bye Lily, hope you get what you want."

He heard footsteps follow him and slipping on his shoes he didn't even bother looking at her when he slipped out the door. There was a slight chill in the September air, but he ignored it and continued on.

"Remus!" Lily shouted, but Remus kept on walking. He heard quick footsteps behind him and soon Lily stood in front of him, her hand placed on his chest. "Let's not break up in this fashion, please."

Her eyes were begging him as he cleared his throat from the grown saliva and snot as he whispered, "Move Lily."

"No." She placed her soft hand behind Remus' head and leaned in to him quickly. Remus was tempted to push her away, but didn't have the heart. _At least let her have one last kiss,_ he thought. Pulling her closer and forgetting about his trunk, Remus gave her a full-hearted kiss, every feeling, every emotion that he had over her, in the past, present or future was pulled together into one in that one kiss. It was true soul and heart coming from him, but the receiving kiss he got was feeble, a last minute kiss, a pull over kiss that wasn't pulling over. As they parted, Lily looked at him weakly and leaned her head forward a little, but she wasn't expecting another kiss. "I'm sorry. I wish I could be…"

Remus placed a finger to her lips and nodded. "No need to apologize."

With that, he grabbed his trunk and started off once more.

_All nightlong_

_I was wrong_

_I was wrong_

_It was me, can't you see_

_It's a long way home_

12 years had passed since the death of Lily and James, 13 years had passed since news of their baby and 14 years had passed since the birth and giving away of Lily and Remus' daughter. It is a sad thought to behold and an even sadder memory. Looking into the pits of his new office, Remus smiled feebly; he wondered how Hermione was doing and if she was attending this school. He did not wish to ruin the surprise if she was.

The first day of classes rolled around and he looked forward to seeing the 4th years. Doing attendance, he rolled down the long list of names, but found no Hermione's in this class. He taught a sad class that morning, nothing too interesting.

His 3rd years rolled in sometime after lunch and he had given up on hope of Hermione and had actually forgotten. He rolled through the list of names. "Goyle, Gregory?"

A feeble "Here" rolled out from the classroom and he shook his head.

"Granger, Hermione…" His voice had caught in the back of his throat while saying her name and he had to force the rest of his voice out, but he looked up quickly around the room and caught a hand just in time, raised to it's full length. Remus smiled at her and she smiled back, blushing lightly.

Brown bushy hair, similar to shade of his, amazing brown eyes, also the same shade as his. Swallowing, he continued on this the list of students and started with the lesson, amazed by the fact that this Hermione Granger could be his daughter.

_It took a million lives to see her smile_

_Don't touch,_

_it's too much,_

_Afraid of love_

_Afraid you might get hurt._

_Don't give up,_

_Don't get stuck,_

_Right before you can go back._

Lily hadn't talked to him since he moved out and he almost had no idea of ever talking to her again. The deed was done and what she had wanted was over. What he had wanted was never there; it was silly wish he had for a long time and now… it was over with and he felt completely fooled.

Completely unrelaxed in a chair in an apartment he was late with paying the rent, and bills for electricity and water were slowly piling up and the colours to the envelope were slowing changing with.

Remus' face was unshaven and completely tired. He could feel the moon on him and if only he could have his one moment of piece back with the one women that sheltered him and made him feel alive. But it was over with and everything went back to how it was.

Smelling smoke suddenly, Remus moved out of the arm chair, looking out the window. Another apartment and another apartment fire. Concentrating poorly, Remus apperated down below outside and shook his head. He didn't have his wand on him. Swearing, he apperated back upstairs and found himself face to face with Lily hurridly looking around his apartment. "What are you doing here?"

Lily turned wildly and ran towards him. "I was coming to visit you and I saw the apartment building on fire. I was coming to save you."

She didn't look much different; her hair was a little longer and layered better, her green eyes twinkling brighter. He could see a protruding bump underneath her clothing. He furrowed his eyebrows and went into his room, grabbing his wand and returning to her, angry. Holding her shoulder roughly, he apperated them both outside and continued walking. Lily was trying to make him stop, pulling against his arm and holding him close and trying to talk to him, but he kept walking, faster and faster.

Taking her turn in action, she gripped him tightly on his forearm and apperated him to a familiar home with a different aura. "What are we doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and there is obviously something wrong."

"Like what?" Remus growled at her in a familiarly old way. "What do we possibly have to talk about? You have James now and his baby and I have nothing but a boot stuck up my ass still. What could you possibly have to say?"

"I'm sorry," Lily simply said, all his words having effect upon this pregnant brod.

Remus angrily curled his lip into his mouth and shook his head, placing his hands over his face, turning away from Lily. "Sorry," he whispered. "Yes, sorry. I see now."

Angry tears swelled in Remus' eyes as Lily tried to touch Remus forearm. "Remus, please, listen!"

"No, Lily, you listen! I love… loved you and all I got back in return was a good time and a baby girl that we had to give to adoption."

"We didn't have to give her to adoption Remus," Lily tried to convey him with her words, making him listen, but he was just getting even more mad at her.

"Yeah, we had a choice. Right, Lily, think about it. James would get suspicious over time, wouldn't he? If I couldn't come over a whole lot and then he finds out that I have a baby girl. The next thing he'll wonder about is how I can actually afford her when I can't even pay rent at my own apartment. We only had one choice and I regret more than you can imagine."

"And you think I don't?" Lily angrily yelled back at Remus.

"You sure as hell don't seem like it."

Hurt covered her face, but she inhaled deeply about ten times and shook her head. "I'm sorry I came to visit you. I hope everything goes well for you."

"Fine."

Remus turned to go and walk, but thinking in a truthful matter, he had no place to go. Turning around, he came face to face with Lily. "Yes?"

Taking a deep breath, Remus asked, "Do you mind if I come and stay with you and James for a while?"

Smiling slightly, Lily nodded. "Sure."

* * *

**A/N:** OMG!! This fanfiction is finished!! The worlds gonna end!! -imitates fake 60's crowd- -points to something in the sky- Look, there's _Reveiw Buddy_!!

If you have read, it's always a nice thing to reveiw, even after a story is finished... _especially_ when a story is finished, yah know? Luv and huggles, YoungChica


End file.
